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I feel it in my knees today

I feel it in my knees today,
the need
to bend

to crawl into some holy space
kneel there in the silence
press my forehead against the hard, cold wood of the pew
feel my heaviness fall on my joints
hear the kneeler’s cushion shift under my weight

to feel the physicality of me
Spirit and flesh unbroken
to feel the physicality of Him
human, yet God

to mumble incoherently
or say softly in my mind
what I have done
and what I have left undone

I feel it in my knees again,
rising and shuffling forward
that I might bend again
low, humble at the altar
like Marie Antoinette at her bedroom window,
a broken monarch, a forced surrender

head bowed low, hands cupped and raised,
hopeful,
that I might receive you

Lord, yet bread
Word, yet wine

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